sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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