My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
