You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
