How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
