he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
