I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
