Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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