I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you inspire me to be a worse person
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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