i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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