He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
4 words: hood of his car
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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