6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
