dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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