And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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