how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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