Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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