You just made me feel so damn special
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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