No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
