So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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