i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
