Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
