Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
