i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
