sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
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Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
false alarm, still single
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