i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We left the knife in your bed.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
