And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
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And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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