Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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