yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
