He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
