This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
