Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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