Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
