i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
