You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
