I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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