The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
