??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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