I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
