Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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