wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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