o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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