I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??