then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?