he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
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This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
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How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.