MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.