how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize