There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
