Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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