things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
