During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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