Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
