i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
