I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
