just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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