Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
