I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
