something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
