Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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