But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
