I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
