Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
