omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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