her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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